Comparing and How It Disempowers Us

You've probably, at some point in your life, compared yourself with others and ended up feeling inferior or inadequate.

Maybe you envied someone for his looks, his social skills, his position, his talents, his popularity, his car, his fame, or his body. Most of us do this without really thinking about what we're doing, but think about how often you do it.

Consistently comparing ourselves with others is very disempowering and can erode our confidence and self-worth. This stops us from achieving all that we're capable of in life.

This is how comparing ourselves with others can hurt us:

Firstly, when we compare ourselves with someone and it makes us feel inferior, we may feel that we should be achieving the same results. Now this sounds like a positive thing - if envy can drive us to fulfill the same goals, then why not?

Well, envy and inferiority are such powerful emotions that it can make us feel as though besides our goal, everything else is unimportant, even our loved ones, or values like honesty and integrity, even human life. Dictators and other power-hungry individuals have often been driven by envy and self-loathing to reach the pinnacle of power by all means necessary.

Envy and inferiority also cause us to blindly pursue aims that in the end, we may find we really didn't want in the first place. Our focus had been on other people's goals, what they'd wanted, what they'd achieved. Lost in a cloud of envy, we failed to think about our own aspirations.

Think about the people you might be envying - that millionaire entrepreneur, that influential politician, that top housing agent, that up-and-coming actor, that hot young athlete. Deep down inside, is that what you really want to be? Would you be willing to sacrifice your own passions, values, and integrity to gain what they've gained? Would you be able to give up what they'd given up in order to achieve their goals? Would you really be happy if you had what they have?

When comparing ourselves with others makes us feel inadequate, we are also less likely to take action to see how much we are capable of. When we feel and think small, we're less likely to venture out, in case we get trampled on. It's much easier to say "I'll never be able to do that!" than actually taking a risk and making an attempt. But we can only reach our potential by trying and taking risks and keeping at it.

If you truly want to be happy and successful, stop comparing yourself with others. Blindly chasing other people's definitions of success can never make you happy. Think about your own definition of success. Pursue and live your own version.

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比较是为了精进自己。不是为了无谓的竞争。如果有机会的话，不妨试试蹦极跳。它需要很大的勇气。但是，这份勇气并不是说说就行的。它需要你踏出第一步。

你敢尝试吗？为了自己勇敢一次罢！加油哦！

^_^g

Self-Worthiness (Part 3)

In this post, let's continue to look at some key characteristics or disposition of people with a high level of self-worthiness.

Some say you can't escape worry; it's a undeniable fact of life. If you think something bad is going to happen, why should you be having a great time?

And to a certain extent I agree... I mean, if you feel the tremors of an earthquake coming on, you really wouldn't want to sit on the porcelain throne with a good book, if you know what I mean. You'd be worried sick, probably even panicking. And this kind of worry might even save your life, because you'd be driven to seek some safety or rescue.

But though worry can be useful in certain contexts, in most day-to-day situations, it's more of a bane than a boon. Just think of the things you usually worry about and you'll realise that for many of them, there's simply nothing you can do. And those things you can realistically do something about, you're so petrified with worry that you can't think of any solution or even have the motivation to do anything about them.

Worry can be a driving force, but for most of us, most of the time, it's simply a handicap. Unless you feel you can realistically do something about something you're worrying about, and will do it, there is simply no sense in worrying. Most of our worries relate to trivial problems anyway, like "will people like me at the party?" or things we can do nothing about, like aging. That's why one of the main habits of self-worthy people is the lack of worrying. "Care-free", not "care-less" is the watchword.

A self-worthy person is also able to appreciate most things around him. He is constantly mindful of the fact that Life itself is a wonder; that it's wondrous and worth being thankful for that he can move, can touch, can taste, can laugh, can see clearly with spectacles, lenses or laser treatment, can read a book, kick a ball, dig his toes into the sand, stroke a cat, and transport himself around swiftly in metal boxes that create cool, comfortable atmospheres and emit pleasant sounds from their speakers.

And finally, the hallmark of a self-worthy person is his ability to love people and other living things. He is constantly giving and receiving love. Whether it's planning a good time for someone, sharing his favourite food, or daily picking up someone from work, his mind is filled with thoughts of how to make others happy. And he is able to receive the rewards of this with equal enthusiasm; we all know the joy of giving... sometimes, we should also allow others to experience this joy.

source: Eugene Loh, A Slice of Life, 938LIVE, a station of MediaCorp Radio

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未雨绸缪没什么不好。但是过于担忧却会为你带来无限烦恼。有些时候，放开一切去尝试并没有任何损失的。加油！

^_^g

Self-Worthiness (Part 2)

In the last post, we talked about how a healthy sense of self-worthiness is the fundamental building block of a happy, loving and successful life. In fact, it's the main reason for many of the emotional problems we face today like low confidence, self-loathing, lack of love, worry, fear, doubt and so on. We also talked about how one of the key characteristics of low self-worthiness is the need for other people's approval for your opinions and behaviour. Another one was how some people feel that they do not deserve happiness and therefore accept mistreatment and abuse from others.

Today, let's go through the main clues that hint at a person's high level of self-worthiness. These are characteristics that we would all do well to master.

First, a habit of thinking and acting spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experience. This means that you begin every task with a clean slate. Like an actor on stage, your previous scene has already transpired. Whether or not you stumbled on some words or gave it a lacklustre rendition, it's over. Period. You cannot go back and do the scene again. All you can do is give your next scene your best shot. Thinking about your performance in the last scene only preoccupies your mind with something you can't do a thing about and will likely adversely impact your next scene.

Another characteristic of self-worthiness is the freedom to enjoy each moment, unencumbered by regret or resentment from what's past or fear of what's to come. The past and future are an illusion, as they say. The only "real" moment is Now. If you can't savour the most of it, whatever it is, then you're wasting the moment. And it won't come back. So forget about how you quarrelled with your partner last night, how obnoxious you thought he or she was... today, remember that ultimately, you're in love with each other, you have this beautiful new day to enjoy together, so do it.

A self-worthy person also doesn't judge himself negatively. By "negatively", I mean in a way that is unconstructive and masochistic - that is, consistently saying to yourself "That was a dumb thing to say!" or "That was a stupid thing to do!", "You're so unattractive!" or "You never do anything right!" - you know, making shallow, sweeping statements about yourself without assessing the situation or making a commitment to do better next time. A self-worthy person knows that frequent self-beration gradually breaks down a healthy ego until the brain starts to believe these crippling remarks. The body soon begins to obey what the brain believes in and subconsciously instructs the body to do.

source: Eugene Loh, A Slice of Life, 938LIVE, a station of MediaCorp Radio

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要别人认同你，首先你要认同自己。不要小看自己，因为你我都有着无限的可能！

^_^g

Self-Worthiness (Part 1)

How easily is your ego bruised? How often do you shy away from social situations? How doubtful are you when it comes to your own opinions and actions? How satisfied are you with who you are and what you have? How harshly do you judge yourself? How often do you look to others for approval? How much love is in your life? How often do you worry?

Sorry if I overwhelmed you with the barrage of questions, but if your lingering sense is that you are generally unsure of yourself and that daily life, social interaction and relationships feel shallow and stressful for you, then perhaps you should try doing something about your self-worthiness.

If you think your self-worthiness is bed-ridden, then stop focusing on anything else. Almost nothing will work out for you if you don't get your self-worthiness up and running again.

You can never be happy by looking to others to validate your existence or value. The essence of self-worthiness is being true to yourself, no matter what you think others might think. No one else on earth is like you and therefore no one else on earth can know or understand you as well as you can. And regardless of what others may tell you about what's behind the door, only you can walk through it and find out for yourself. No one else can be responsible for you. Therefore, the first step to higher self-worthiness is to get to know yourself as well as you can, and to stop depending on the approval of others to fulfill you.

Some people have the misconception that they must suffer in life. They may not put it quite as simply as I have, but the core of the concept is similar. Somehow, they feel that life is suffering, that they must suffer for someone else's happiness, that misery is an essential part of life that must somehow be endured. Again, they feel this way because they do not think very highly of themselves; they feel they do not deserve to happy, that self-punishment is the only right thing to do, the only way they feel alive. That's why many people continue to allow themselves to suffer oppression, mistreatment, disdain and abuse.

Even though many people might say they want love and happiness; they might even pray for these things, but they do not take any real steps towards improving their situation. They continue to lament and wallow in self-doubt and misery, claiming helplessness when in reality, they're fully equipped to make things better anytime.

source: Eugene Loh, A Slice of Life, 938LIVE, a station of MediaCorp Radio

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大家会不会也有同感呢？有些时候我们总是被我们所谓的“自尊心”给打败了。。但是，别老是认为自己一无是处。所谓天生我才必有用嘛。

加油！

^_^g

Heaven and Hell

A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, 'Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'

The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.

The Lord said, 'You have seen Hell.'

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.

The holy man said, 'I don't understand.'

It is simple,' said the Lord. 'It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'

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其实馆主觉得这篇故事很有意思。试想想，就算在你我周围，我们是否也是如此？如果我们为着他人着想，我们可能双双受益。但是我们往往自私自利，所以弄得最后两败俱伤。这又何必呢？

当然，我们不是为了受益而去对他人好。真正的好是发自内心的。大家学着罢！加油！

^_^g

三字经 – 贞观之治

唐高祖 起义师 除隋乱 创国基
二十传 三百载 梁灭之 国乃改


释义
李渊从太原起兵推翻隋朝，开创了唐朝的基业，扫除了隋末的混乱。唐先后传了二十世，历时三百年。后来梁灭唐，于是改换了朝代。

故事
唐太宗 (tang2 tai4 zong1) 李世民登基后，吸取隋朝灭亡的教训，励精图治 (li4 jing1 tu2 zhi4)，使社会经济迅速恢复。他还虚心听取别人的建议。大臣魏征 (wei4 zheng1) 是个敢于直言的人，他总是当面指出唐太宗的过失，唐太宗每次都能虚心地接受。由于唐太宗的开明，在他统治时期出现了中国历史上的盛世 --- “贞观之治 (zhen1 guan4 zhi1 zhi4)”。

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说真的，馆主好敬佩像唐太宗这样的君主。他的开明制度让国家旺盛，这是很重要的一环。就像现在虽然说开放，但是也不完全。说开明，我们之中是不是有人还是老古板呢？真正的开明不是嘴上说的，而是用行动来证明的。

学学唐太宗吧！

^_^g

三字经 – 瓦岗寨起义

迨至隋 一土宇 不再传 失统绪
dai4 zhi4 sui2 yi1 tu3 yu3 bu2 zai4 chuan2 shi1 tong3 xu4

释义
隋朝 (sui2 chao2) 的建立，使中国又形成了统一的局面。不过隋朝只延续了一代就丧失了政权。天下又失去了秩序。

故事
隋文帝杨坚死后，杨广即位，他追求荒淫腐化 (huang1 yin2 fu3 hua4) 的生活。命人开凿 (kai1 zao2) 运河，三次派兵征讨 (zheng1 tao3) 高丽，耗尽 (hao4 jin4) 了大量的物力和财力。老百姓走投无路，只好拿起武器，对抗朝廷，全国范围的农民起义风起云涌 (feng1 qi3 yun2 yong3)。各地的起义军中，以翟让 (zhai2 rang4) 领导的瓦岗军 (wa3 gang1 jun1) 最为著名。他们军纪严明 (yan2 ming2)，专门攻击土豪劣绅 (tu3 hao2 lie4 shen1)，惩治 (cheng2 zhi4) 贪官污吏 (tan1 guan1 wu1 li4)，受到老百姓的拥护。后来瓦岗军多次打败隋朝的军队，为最终推翻隋朝起了积极作用。

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其实，大家有没有发现，我们读了好几篇在三字经中出现的历史故事后，每一个朝代的沦落是因为国君荒淫腐化的生活所造成的。所以，无论是什么时代 （就算是现在）也是如此的。如果哪一天我们的领导人（无论是社团、国家等）不抱着为了大家好的心，总有一天也会陷入同样的困境的。

但是无论如何，未来是掌握在大家的手里的。所以只要我们同心协力，一定能够创造美好的未来的！

^_^g

4 Basic Steps on the Journey of Life

Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu famously said "The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step."

Indeed, as with everything in life, we learn by taking one step at a time. We may fall down, but we get back up and take another step. That is the only way to learn and to continue growing. In such a fast-paced modern world, however, some of us forget that principle. We try to run, inevitably trip and take a very painful tumble.

Some of us put off this journey of self-discovery and empowerment; we model ourselves against other people, we learn to suppress our genuine selves in order to fit in, we are terrified perhaps that if we opened ourselves up and looked in, we might not like what we see.

Well, like it or not, that's a risk we all have to face. With high risk comes high yield or a big loss. Unfortunately, most of us prefer to live in denial. We go about thinking the best or the worst of ourselves, until one day we fall down into the mud and we actually have to face ourselves. Who are you? What makes you special? What makes you YOU?

There are four basic steps that we need to follow on our journey.

Step One - Be prepared to look at yourself and admit that every bruise, every fall is all your doing.

Step Two - Surrender, let go of the idea that you should control every event, and have faith that everything you ask will be given to you.

Step Three - Sit down every day and write. Start a journal and every day record the events of the day, paying attention to your reactions to events, experiences, and people. Classify your reactions for what they were, whether they be anger, jealousy, resentment, joy, love, or self-pity.

By identifying your reaction and classifying it as your reaction to an event, you will come to see why you are acting as you are. Why you would react angrily in a situation that does not require anger; your own feelings and responsibilities.

Step Four - Ask why. "Why do I become angry in that situation?", "What is my deeper hidden feeling about this type of situation?". Start recording your "why's" in a separate book. In this book, record all your experiences and incidents of your past and how you reacted to them.

You will soon start to see that your current reactions can be traced back to past situations. Sooner or later we must admit that all our reactions are a result of our desires, expectations and our ego. Once you can trace your weaknesses, you will find ways to deal with them in a more constructive and positive way.

source: Eugene Loh, A Slice of Life, 938LIVE, a station of MediaCorp Radio

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的确，老子说的：《千里之行始于足下》大家应该不陌生罢？每一样事的开始都需要我们勇敢地踏出第一步才行。人生说长不长，但说短又不短。而一路走来，我们也会有开心不开心、难过、苦恼、烦恼、等等的时候。所以有时候，重要的是认清自己的感觉，懂得跌倒后爬起来。这才是最重要的。

不要害怕，就算再艰难也会过去的。加油了！

^_^g

三字经 – 孝文帝迁都

北元魏 分东西 宇文周 与高齐


释义
北方的北魏逐渐兴盛起来，后来分为东魏和西魏。北周宇文氏灭掉了东魏，北齐的高洋灭掉了西魏。

故事
魏孝文帝是个有作为的人，为了吸收中原的文化，改革一些落后的风俗，他决定迁都洛阳。然而，他的想法遭到大臣们的反对。于是，孝文帝借口伐齐，率大军三十万南下。到了洛阳，正赶上连绵的阴雨，道路泥泞难走，行军非常困难。孝文地坚持继续前进，大臣们不愿北伐，纷纷要求停止南下。魏孝文帝建大臣们已经在洛阳聚齐，就趁势宣布迁都洛阳。迁都的成功，为北魏的发展开创了新的局面。

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明君多谋，如果要成事，有些时候还是需要使用计谋的。像魏孝文帝他有远见，所以，他不顾大臣的反对，想办法迁都，最后还是成功了。而且，他的成功也为北魏的发展有所贡献。

所以嘛，有些时候呢，山不转路转；路不转人转。

^_^g

实行

说行善积德，而没有以行动实行，是毫无意义的空谈，这样就像一朵美丽的红花，徒具颜色而没有芳香。

摒除 (bing3 chu2) 贪欲、憎恨和愚顽，具有正确的智慧，心里没有挂碍，不贪恋今生和来世，便是启发心智的实行者。

要教导别人，应该自己先以身作则，必须约束自己，没一举一动成为别人学习的模范，这样自然而然达到教导别人的效果。

阅读了一本有益的善书，而不去身体力行去做，也是没有多大的益处。

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馆主也觉得这没错，很多时候，我们只有纸上谈兵、空说话而已。如果没有真正的去实践我们所说的，那么不久只是空谈而已吗？要教育他人，就要从自己开始。如果自己都做得不对了，那么就变成没有资格去好好地教导别人不是吗？

大家要加油了唷！

^_^g

"i am a door"

i am a door...
i am caught between two rooms
swinging from one to another.
grasping moments as the wind
sways me from the first to the next.
living, loving, caressing life in each
taking a little from one
and giving to the other, and back.

i hear the strains of my mother's voice
over the aroma of the eggplant curry
wafting over my father's intense study
of the Indian Express --- his favorite newspaper.
the aunts and uncles came in droves
to my sister's wedding to eat
and gossip during the ceremony,
and through the night.
glimpses of life... very Indian.

in the other room, the surround sound
heard Simon and Garfunkel over troubled waters,
while Pink Floyd cried about the walls in our lives.
Simpsons and Butterfinger were definitely in
as Gore and Quayle babbled using innocuous verbiage.
the computer was never shut off
as reams of paper saw term papers
discuss new ways to communicate.
glimpses of life... very American.

between these two worlds
i am happy, confused, angry
And in pain --- all at the same time.
for i am a door
caught between two rooms.
i see and feel both of them
but i don't seem to belong to either.

--- Nagesh, Rao (October, 1992)

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这是一首英文的诗句。讲述的是一个人，感觉就像是困于两个不同的世界。跟我们很多人很像。因为今时今日我们住在一个多元化的世界，因此很多时候会有种迷失自己的感觉。

是不是因为看不清前面的方向？认不清自己的定位到底在哪里？说实在的，因为世界的变化实在太快太大了，所以大家多多少少会觉得迷惘。但是如果可以的话，我们应该花一点儿时间好好地寻找我们人生中的方向。

馆主有时会觉得像有一些生长在新加坡的人，其实可以算是很幸福的，因为地理位置和历史的关系，大家是双语教育的环境 --- 这其实也可以算是个优势；可是，与此同时，我们就像是一群很努力、很认真的国民，但是却忙到像是无头苍蝇，不晓得自己的根在哪里。没有一个定位、没有找的属于自己或国家的特征。会不会到了最后，因为什么都懂、都拥有，而觉得格格不入，好像不属于任何一个定义？(neither here nor there, belonging to neither)

^_^g

Why do we wait?

Two friends, A and E, were out on a stroll by the park.

E: If there's a company that sells information on when you will die, would you buy?
A: No.
E: Why not?
A: I believe death has to be unanticipated. It doesn't sound right to know when you will die.
E: But I would buy that information. At least to let me know when I will die 10 days earlier.
A: What are you going to do within these 10 days then?
E: I'll spend 5 days with my family and another 5 days with my loved one. Taking her to places we never been before. Driving to the peak of that mountain. Exploring new things to do together.
A: Why not do that now but wait till when you're about to die?
E: I just do not have the time now.

How often do we leave the things we want to do most last? And more often than not, we take them to our coffins. Let us wait no longer, and start doing the things we want to do the most now!

source: adapted (unknown)

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说得没错，往往我们都等了又等。为什么什么事情我们都不要把握现在而要推到将来呢？“等明天再说吧！” --- 这句话快成为我们都市人的口头禅了。《明日复明日，明日何其多？事事待明日，万事成蹉跎。》这首诗大家应该不陌生罢？我们到底拥有多少个“明日”？你我都不知道罢？既然如此，为什么还是要将所有的事情推到明天再说呢？

今日事今日成 --- 要尽量做到如此哦！

加油！

^_^g